Once upon a time there was a big castle in Glenside with 20 beautiful princesses.
It’s too bad they were outfitted with a horrible hall theme and no tiaras.
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Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’08
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blind-side you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing. Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you’re 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…
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In five years, or maybe ten, or maybe twenty, we’ll return to the tree and think of the memories. We’ll think back to the days of garage smoking and the g-spot, basketball, the hose, and the porch. We’ll remember drinking, and throwing the empty bottles down a hole, never to be seen again. The beaten sidewalk where we walked to seven-eleven, or Shawmont will forever hold our invisible footprints. The party decorations will be long gone, but we’ll remember them in their lime green glory, knowing we put them up for no reason at all. I’ll remember our amazing mornings by the river, and our names, forever written with little hearts. The drive will be exactly the same, with teenagers thinking they can defy the sound barrier, and driving home at top speeds with the windows down. We’ll still eat at Applebee’s… and we’ll chuckle at the foot strokings that occured that October of so long ago. We’ll all still go to the Thanksgiving football games, catching up on what little happens in our adult lives, and cooing over kids and job promotions. The Phillies will be amazing, and have their usual seasons, starting out slow, and building steam as July turns to August, August to September. Perhaps you’ll learn to like your glasses, and wear them more often. Maybe I’ll finally stand up straight, and I’ll learn how to react to things, instead of laughing. We’ll think back, and know that this was the time of our lives.
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